Well, what a year.
This year I started with NE - Year 2 and was quick to realise that as cute as these buttons are I preferred to be with Year 2 and above.
I enjoyed the challenge of being with NE again and found that all that I have learned over the last 5 years was useful and I could put a few of these perspectives into pla
ce. I also discovered that it was hard to work in a classroom with another teacher and a lot of needs.
There were many times that I thought I wasn't good enough, or that I flipped my own lid(holding it inside though) when the times got tough and many times where all I felt like was an over priced teacher aide, who didn't have a voice or the autonomy to make decisions like a good team leader should. As much as I worked on the relationships first, then worked on listening and being a leader who walks to journey with you, it felt like every time we were getting to a good place, something happened and it would crumble.
I tried my very hardest to make things work and to listening and change and listen some more. But alas it wasn't quite what it should have been.
I think that by the end of Term 2, we had got to a place where I would listen and they would talk. I could only do that and agree, sometimes trying to put my 2 cents in where I could. Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot about myself, others and most of all how to listen and respond in a way that would awhi them. We had got to a place that it kind of worked.
I felt so much for my student teacher at the time, when she was suppose to be on control she wasn't and she too wore the brunt of stuff that wasn't her fault. Again I listened and supported the best I could and awhi her along on her teaching journey.
Before the end of the term there was a decision made around some year 2's that needed to be moved over and I was happy to help them with this transition...meanwhile being excited for my trip to Rarotonga. The end of the term was a rush of moving and planning and transiting, but it was exciting and new and scary all in the same way. Then I was off for two weeks in the sun...
When we returned there was a quick catch up on the Sunday around what the week would look like and that Monday we would play by air.
Monday came and so did my overwhelming sense of "oh shit, what have I done and why?".
I spent Monday crying with no sense of belonging and going through those motions of not being needed, no place to put my stuff, not feeling welcome and worse of all, no knowing what I was doing. But by the afternoon, I was feeling like I knew what was happening.
It took for me to open up to how I was feeling, getting those around me to help and know my place. It was such a massive thing for me to go through and I really talked and collaborated with my new team.
As the weeks have gone on the more I have felt part of the new team and I feel like my opinion is valued and taken on board. The team leader has done well with the team to make sure that everyone has a voice. We have bonded and the tamariki are making progress and it's the best feeling.
I have such an amazing new team and I love being part of it. No we don't always agree but we talk, together, and listen to each others view and work around the issues to make it work.
It's been a year of learning and I have taken on a role that was new to me. I have made huge progress myself with the way that I think, work and communicate and it has lead me down a new path.
The learning and leading that I have been undertaking has been huge and it has taught me so many things about people and who I am as a leader. It has also taught me that no matter how hard I try to do the right thing, or fix something, sometimes I can't and it's not mine to fix, change or do. Those people have to make that journey themselves.